Don't die on every hill

One of my favorite blogs is nittygrittylove.com
The post I read today really tugged at my heart strings. I fail my husband daily, but he still loves me in spite of my ugliness. I can be super impatient. Complain WAY too much. And not so fun to be around sometimes. I could name a few reasons why I act this way...buttttttttt a better word for them would be "excuses". Marriage is about sacrifice, compromising, and effort. Effort. E f f o r t. Daily. Wisdom. Patience. EFFORT. I can't say that word enough. It takes work. You can't give up. Coming from someone who has tried giving up a few times, I have learned to take the good with the bad. Never EXPECT anything. Ask for it. Aside from marriage, being a Christian means you have to take your eyes off of everyone else and look at yourself. Stop judging, stop reasoning with others mistakes. What could I have done to help the situation? What did I do to make it worse? Asking myself these questions and learning God's wisdom has brought me so much peace. Less guilt. Focusing on what I can bring to my marriage has really painted a better picture for us. Never give up hope. Never give up, ever.

Communicating kindly during an argument or tough subject is something I struggle with immensely! Here is a list of the Ten Simple Tips to Communicating Kindly from the post I read today off of nittygrittylove.com (I summarized some in my own words)
1. Don't be stingy with encouraging words.
2. Let the small things go. Don't nitpick the way your spouse does chores. Thank him and move on.
3. Cheer him on! He wants you to be his biggest fan.
4. Don't die on every hill. Do you want to be right or happy?
5. SMILE MORE! Lift your eyebrows. It's proven to make others less defensive.
6. Say thank you. We all work hard. We all need to be thanked for our efforts.
7. Complain wisely. Not every little annoyance needs attention.
8. Cushion criticism. Say something positive before and after a negative comment.
9. Empathize. Try to see a different perspective. It can change the whole tone of the convo.
10. Pray for wisdom.
Wisdom of God's word is something I always thirsted for. I remember going to church and not really hearing what was said. Not applying it. Not nurturing the scripture. Until finally, one day...it hit me like a brick wall. I was only going to learn what God wanted from me by READING. By praying for wisdom. By READING the wisdom he so effortlessly put before us. Things began to change. I read my bible daily. I spent time with God daily, even if for 15 minutes. Now, more than ever, I find so much peace around me. It doesn't all have to be perfect. I just have to try. I just have to tell God I need him every day. I have to surrender.
Today was a good day. I'd like to think it was a perfect day, really! We spent most of our time outside. Swinging, talking, eating, admiring nature, and making "pie". At one point, we stepped inside for my favorite song, How He Loves by David Crowder Band. And as I danced with Hallie in my arms, I cried. I was suddenly overwhelmed with joy. A good, emotional feeling. She laid her head on my shoulder. And we danced. For the whole song. It was beautiful. I listened to the words and they hit me hard. Oh, how He loves us! Then, my outspoken 3 year old spoke up. "Mama, you are dancin cause you had too much coffee"! The tears dried and we laughed. For minutes upon minutes. A giggle fit, I like to call it. At that point, we were just laughing at each other laughing. I went back to reading and she went back to playing. She stood in the doorway and told me she "ubbs" me. She stops me in my tracks about 5 times a day to tell me how much she loves me. Sometimes it's only just "a little". But most of the time it's "too much". And just when I am sinking in guilt for feeling like a failure, this quickly reminds me I'm doing it right. I'm teaching her to love. And love always remains.

Dearly loved

I just got a call from my grandfather asking me if we are moving to Charleston. "yes, we are looking for places now," Reality hit me. I'm moving almost 3 hours away. It is a bitter and sweet emotion. Bitter because I won't be able to drive 5 miles down the road and see my family. I'm moving away from my daddy. My rock. Woah. They will be over 200 miles away. Everything I look at in Aiken has changed lately. The small things that I never noticed are brighter, more significant, more defined. I was driving down the road yesterday and realized I always take the long way to church because of the back roads I know so well. Driving down Banks Mill towards the only life I've ever known. C & H Mobile Home Park. The big pond. The little pond. Nanny and papa's house. Oh how blessed I have been my whole life to have all of these wonderful people in my life showering me in love each and every day. I'll hold tight to the memories and reminisce when we visit. I'll remember moving from trailer to trailer with my dad in my grandparents home park. Digging holes in yards with my cousins. Adventure seeking with my friends. Hotdogs and sandwich bread. French toast sticks. Bike riding. Running through everyone's yard. Swinging with my mammy. Cook outs at nanny and papas. Cooking for my daddy at age 10. Bonfires with daddy. Camping. All the good stuff. I'm holding back tears. And I know that when I make the last haul with the hubs with all of our "stuff" ...I'll have to pull over. I'm going to lose it. They are good tears. Happy tears. I have suddenly become overwhelmed in knowing how much I am loved. That no matter how many times I have let me family down, they are always there. And even 200 miles away, they still will be. They'll come visit, we will visit. And our time together will be special. The feeling is also sweet. My family gets a fresh start. A new page in a huge book. We will have the chance to do nothing but EXPLORE for months and months before finding our favorite spots. Our favorite coffee shops, parks, beaches. We get to go on this adventure together, and that my friends is something I will cherish till my last breath. I am proud of us! We are taking a huge leap of faith. Surrendering to God and moving to a town we know nothing about, only from what we have heard and read.

I'm ready! Let's do this. I have unshakable faith. I am anxious to get my Associates Degree in Vet Technology. I'm ready to show my kids a different scene. I'm ready for this change. It makes me most happy because of who I am doing it with. My husband and my kids. Jonathan worked very hard to make this move possible for us. And it really hit me today. He saw the dream I had, and he made it happen. That man loves me with every ounce of his being. I'm pretty blessed. Marriage isn't always fun. It's all about compromise. No judgment, pure patience. And every single second is a learning experience. I vowed my life to this man and I will vow to him every day to make him happy. Because seeing him happy makes me happy.

Lets hop back to a week ago when I took the kids to see my bestie for her 24th birthday and visit the zoo. Here are some pictures of our day. The weather was perfect. The kids were well behaved. All in all, it was the perfect day.